change

Hi there.  It’s getting colder in Japan.
How is it like in your place?  I hope you all are doing great.
Thanks to energy of 2020, I finally got some energy to start moving.

Three years ago, my husband left me.
It was the beginning of a gift, but at the time, I could not take this as a gift.
I did everything I could to resist the “reality”.

On the surface, I was trying to take balance by blaming him and becoming a victim.
And inside, I was harshly beating up myself.

“Because I lack something, this happened”.  This thought was always in my mind and beat me up.

At the same time, I felt fear about being financially independent, fear about needing to do everything by myself, sadness of not being able to have my own child, fear of becoming alone, and most of all, shame of failing to keep a happy family.

Everyday, I just got up and managed to get through that day.
Many people supported me, telling I can do all sorts of things, and yet the more I was told, the more I couldn’t move.

I was probably at a state of being diagnosed with depression.

The Work of Byron Katie friends, the wonderful teachers, and lots of inquiries helped me during the period.

During this time, I experienced that true healing happens in trust.
When I faced myself with my thoughts like “I don’t want to accept this part of me” and “I am wrong, and I have to change me”, a part of me resisted to take the journey with me because it didn’t trust me.

It took a lot of time, but slowly I began to accept me who couldn’t move, who couldn’t change, and who couldn’t feel better.

It was more like the last remaining option for me than it happened naturally.

I tried to change myself over and over, punished and blamed me, but none of them helped.

The only way left was to accept me as I was.

Finally, I am able to write about divorce here.

I was really embarrassed and wanted to hide it.

Yet I can’t keep hiding myself from life.  So, I’m grateful for my willingness to come out again.

On this occasion, I updated a session page.

I am offering a special campaign during December.

https://openyourmind-openyourheart.com/privatesessions/